My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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