LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
