We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
