These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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