You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
