spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
