She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The power of my boobs compel you
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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