Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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