she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
