My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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