i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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