i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
