i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
