We're like a lot better than the average bears
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
