Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
