ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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