Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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