I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
