I wish I could punch you in the face.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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