I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
