oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
