It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
