You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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