there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
