I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
