i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
