So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just gift wrapped bread.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
