It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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