I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
