Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
