We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
