OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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