ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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