how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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