I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
