Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
