Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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