I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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