and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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