somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
