you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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