My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize