ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
