Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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