How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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