Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
