census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
