I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
