She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
