this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
