I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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