so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
