Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
