3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
