dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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