Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This baby is an asshole
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
