you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
