you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
