you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
