Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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