You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
