When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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