When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
